I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
pray to the hookup gods
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Randomize
