So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
We don't watch enough power rangers
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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