Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
