my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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