she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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