I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
