i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I forget how to act sober
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize