If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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