we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
The Olympian is in my bed
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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