so explain again why im purple
no
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
