peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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