wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I'm getting married
To pizza
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
