I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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