hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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