I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
you never un-have a 4some
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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