What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
