Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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