so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
