my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
