Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
my poor anus
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
