Your face is a jimmy john
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
