How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
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