i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
