My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
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