He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
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I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
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So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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