He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
ok first of all what the fuck
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
