i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize