Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize
