im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
