she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
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I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
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tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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