update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
