I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
