My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize