Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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