It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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