if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
