oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize