I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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