i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
