well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
