It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
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