i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
