im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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