I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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