just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
