Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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