bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
And my parents said I crawled through the house
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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