but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
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