This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Princesses don't give blow jobs
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
