Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I wish i was in the wii world.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
