Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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