i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
