tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
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I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
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Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
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