Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
