Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
