i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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