Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
