I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
