I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize