why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
