and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
19 People Confess The Worst Things They Have Been Accused Of
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.