My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
