think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.