i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.