i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
