needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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