Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
