Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
me + whiskey = a bad person
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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