Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
