Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
